Crossroads

Earlier this week, I began this electronic journal, not because I came to a crossroad, but because I had been stuck at one for too long and it had to stop.  I am reminded of words that could be mine, but were spoken and sung before I got around to putting them together. 

I do think about stuff and junk and I do remember moments, but I don’t dwell on any one or give much time to any of them.  Nor do I intend to exist as a blank slate; I am who I am because of all the stuff and junk, memories, conversations, people that have passed through my life.  No other person really knows what is going on inside me, nor do I know what anyone else is truly experiencing which is why I try not to judge, it's not my place or my purpose (I hope, I hope, I hope).

For the most part, I choose to stop hiding from the world and letting Sh...tuff happen, at least not passively.  I am in control of my life now and I am trying to simply be.  There is a knot deep inside my heart that I’m trying to untie.  I am not the same as I was or even will be, for that matter, so there is no reason for me to want to return to anything or to move towards anything.  I’ll just make my way along this trail while trying to become a better me, the me I am supposed to be, the me I want to be.  In the end it will be what it is and every step I take will lead me there anyway.

I've got nothing on my mind: Nothing to remember,

Nothing to forget. And I've got nothing to regret,
But I'm all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I've got;
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I'm not anymore.

You know I've heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they've gone the wrong direction.

But there's no need for turning back
'Cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I'll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.

[-from Crossroads by Don McLean]

It would maybe, possibly, kind of be nice to have a passion, a dream...and that may be something I find along the way.  We'll just have to wait and see.

BB,

~LM