In that two week period, I have learned to be a part of my life, and that is not something that is easy, because I have spent so much time hiding from it.
"Sacramentals" - I do need reminders around me, it is early yet and I am still easily distracted. Photographs, quotes, art, books, music, nature, basic elements. Base Red is still the color for me, I will soon graduate to sacral orange when the time is right.
Morning Affirmations - I find this is an important part of my day; starting it with a "Thank you" and then some positive words to myself, such as: "I am safe, peaceful and protected; all my needs are met abundantly. I am a loving, kind, and forgiving being of light and energy. I am capable, I am good, I am a beautiful me. I am centered, vital and rooted.”
Looking people in the eye and not looking for the nearest corner to crawl in. Seriously, what is the worst thing that can happen? They don't say "Good Morning" back? Puh-ll-lease! Surely I can be more farsighted than that....surely, right? Seriously though, it is a habit to look away from people, and even when I'm talking with them I tend to look at their mouth, because I'm hard of hearing and it helps me often to understand what is being said. That is not an excuse, but it is something that I have weighed in the last two weeks, while I talk with someone - is what I might miss in what they say more important that what they might miss in my attention to their importance in that moment? Yes, I have tried to be especially aware of that. If it is someone who knows I'm hard of hearing and I'm not getting instructions for diffusing an incendiary device, then the eyes should win!
Walking with my chin up, shoulders back, relaxed, and confident….check…P I’ll work on adding a smile later…one thing at a time.
Exercise, this is important for a few reasons. Our bodies are built to move and move they should. I was forced into sedentary monotony, but I have no excuses now. Also, as I grow up, get on, whatever, my system needs the extra help to process calories, rid itself of toxins, breathe deeply, stretch and re-build muscle to avoid injury, lots of good reasons. No, knowing these reasons doesn’t make it easier, but it helps keep me focused.
Food, adding new healthy choices to my diet, replacing some things with better things is not an overnight change, unless someone out there is hiring me a personal nutritionist/chef leaving me to only eat what is put in front of me when it appears in front of me. If left to my own devices then it will be as I can. Oatmeal and skim milk are the two foods that I eat almost daily, and plan to continue. Also, and it’s my next “Good Eating” I have given up orange juice…you have no idea!
Right Thought, keeping it positive and laid back. I am fundamentally a positive, giving, forgiving, live-and-let-live kind of person, but one of the things I found about myself that I did not want to tolerate any longer was that I had become angry. My nerves would reach a pitch (sometimes in nothing flat) that released a negative burst. This is not a helpful way to live, nor is it very kind to those around me who have found themselves on the business end of such a burst. Oh, it wasn’t that often, nor was it that bad, but the fact that it “was” at all needed to stop. There might be sharpness to my words, a surliness in my tone, or even words that just didn’t need to be said. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all…” yeah, Mom, I remember. Sometimes; however, a thing does need to be said. Still, it can be couched in kindness. There’s no reason for rudeness, ever. I’m on it. Two weeks have passed and there have been two incidents that I can think of that slipped, it was reactionary – I don’t like that. I don’t want to be that kind of person. This is where the reminders, affirmations and things that promote positive, patient, and understanding qualities are helpful. This is the part of me that I wanted most to change when I took to walking my journey again intentionally (not by drifting through it like I had been).
Being open. That is going to take some time. I think this journal begins to addresses it, but it will take some serious work to rid myself of the “I am an island” (thank you Paul Simon, no I’m not being sarcastic I like that song) mentality.
Those are the parts of me that have been touched upon in the last two weeks that I will continue to address and improve upon.
BB,
~LM
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